default logo

Lovemaking Begins Outside the Bedroom

Lovemaking Begins Outside the Bedroom

Many people I speak to these days tell me that their sexual relationship or lovemaking lacks excitement and or a response from their partner. Men are aroused easily by visual stimulation or fantasy. Women require a minimum of 20 to 40 minutes for their sexual organs to become engorged and often need to feel appreciated and loved for sexual arousal to begin. That is why communication, not just in the bedroom but throughout the day, is crucial to creating a sexually charged environment.

Little Slights Magnify Over Time

Lovemaking Begins Outside the BedroomImagine a situation where both partners work out of the home. In many cases, the woman still responsible for the house and meals, comes home tired but begins to make dinner. Granted, there are lots of men who also cook and clean. However, in this case we are imagining that the woman comes home and prepares the meal, while hubby switches on the TV and sits down to watch. If you are a woman, you can already feel the resentment rising and if roles were reversed, men would probably feel the same way.

Choice is Liberating

What if, instead of turning on the TV, your partner said, “What would you like me to do? Set the table? Peel the potatoes?” This automatically gives the other partner a choice and choice liberates. He or she might say, “That would be great. Could you start a making a salad?” or “That’s ok, I’ve got this tonight. Maybe you can make dinner tomorrow evening because I have a meeting to go to.” The feeling of having one’s needs taken care of will make the difference between getting a positive response in bed as opposed to being rejected when the mention of sex comes up.

Lovemaking Begins Outside the BedroomUnmet Needs Create Resentment

If needs are not met, over time, resentment grows. Your partner starts to forget all the wonderful things you bring to your life together. In one case, a young woman I was working with was ready to leave the relationship. As an intuitive, I could see her underwater and I got a clear message that she could breathe even though she was submerged. My intuitive response was to teach her the Ocean Breath which soothes the autonomic nervous system. She was in fight or flight mode nearly 24/7 and kept replaying the rejections and hurts she had felt over the summer. She had forgotten all his wonderful qualities.

Take the Time to Express Appreciation for Your Partner on a Regular Basis

I taught her the breathing technique and coached her to create a sacred space in her home where she could recharge when feeling overwhelmed. Another catalyst, for her change of heart, was Tony Robbins #lifeisagift hashtag. The result was, she started thinking about how they related when they first got together. She decided to focus on the gifts he had brought to her life.

Lovemaking Begins Outside the BedroomAccept That You May Need to Look for the Positive, to Change the Situation

She wrote him a letter, telling him she appreciated his wonderful qualities, that he treated her and her children with great love. He took care of her when she was sick and he showed his love with incredibly romantic gestures. She focused on the gifts he had brought to her life in the past, and this opened the door to communication again and a fresh start to the relationship.

Dale is a certified Authentic Tantra Practitioner and Healer specializing in 5 Element Tibetan Tantra meditations of the Shangpa Kagyu lineage.
  1. Pingback: Your Perceptions Color Everything You Do - Make Love not War -

Leave a Reply