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Starbucks and the Controversial Napkin – A Feel Good Moment?

Starbucks and the Controversial Napkin - A Feel Good Moment?Starbucks and the Controversial Napkin – A Feel Good Moment?

He walked over to me, hastily handed me a folded napkin, smiled and walked away. Puzzled, because I had not dropped a napkin, I opened it up. The message read, “NOT SURE IF YOU HEAR IT ENOUGH BUT YOU LOOK ULTRA SEXY! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Surprised, yes and pleasantly amused that someone had taken the time to show appreciation for the time I take each morning to dress well, do my makeup and hair. Did it make me feel good? Absolutely.

It takes a bit of extra time to do my makeup and hair, however it is part of my routine because it makes me feel fantastic when I walk out the door. Normally, when I get ready in the morning, I dress up… no yoga pants or jeans. . The premise of the “Look Good, Feel Better” program for women with cancer is exactly that. When you take time to look good, it changes your emotional state.

There were numerous people who “liked” the post when I put it up on Facebook. However, one man made a comment that he felt it was creepy. Now, I like this person. I also know that he has very strong Christian faith. This is not to single out Christians… it could be anyone with a very strict moral code of what is right or wrong. Often, there is no black or white in a situation.

The Facebook Comment

“Is it just me, or does anyone else find that kind of creepy? (Not to take away from your ultra-sexiness, Dale. Lol)”

The comment indicated to me, that for him to appreciate a woman, he would be inclined to do it on the sly, as indicated further down in the feed. I find people assume things based on their mindset and how they operate in the world. This to me, indicates again, just how repressed our society is when it comes to male / female communication and sexuality.

Repression Causes People to Rebel

This reminded me of a conversation I had, years ago, with a man during a chance meeting on an outdoor, coffee shop patio. Waiting for my car to be repaired, I ended sitting there for an extended period-of-time. We discussed his upcoming marriage, his family and church affiliation. He was nice but a little dissatisfied and on-edge. Eventually, he got into his car which was parked right in front of where we were sitting. The thought crossed my mind, “He will be back.” I pushed it out away and continued reading.

5 minutes later he pulled up into the same spot and called me over. He made one comment that has stuck in my mind for the last 20 years. “Have you ever been so good, for so long, that you just want to be bad?” Stunned, I decided if it was a pick-up line, it was the worst I had ever heard. Unsure of what kind of a response he expected from me, his comment left me with an impression of how repressed he must have felt in terms of his sexuality.

This is precisely why I feel so strongly about the need for better sex education, better communication skills between men and women. Anytime, people are repressed, they will rebel. Often, pent up frustration comes out in ugly ways with the need to control and dominate.

Opening up the dialogue about sexuality would help. We need to make something as beautiful and healthful as sexual expression a normal part of life and something that is celebrated rather than forbidden.

Dale is a certified Authentic Tantra Practitioner and Healer specializing in 5 Element Tibetan Tantra meditations of the Shangpa Kagyu lineage.

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